Making Room for What Matters: A Conversation with Ellie Azerad of Frum Minimalism

Written by Claire Zeitler

When people hear the word minimalism, they often picture stark white walls, empty countertops, and a life stripped of personality. But after spending time with Ellie Azerad, founder of Frum Minimalism, it's clear that her version of minimalism has very little to do with owning nothing and everything to do with making room for what matters most.

As someone who has spent years moving between countries, living out of suitcases, and constantly reassessing what belongs in my life and what doesn't, I found myself nodding throughout our conversation. What struck me wasn't the number of possessions Ellie had eliminated from her home. It was the freedom she gained in the process.

For Ellie, minimalism wasn't born from a desire to create a picture-perfect home. It emerged during the years when she was a young mother overwhelmed by the very life she had prayed for. She wasn't looking for aesthetic perfection. She was looking for breathing room.

What followed was a conversation about motherhood, stress, Jewish life, gratitude, clutter, and why sometimes the most powerful change begins with getting rid of a few bags of toys.

Claire Zeitler: For readers who are new to your work, what exactly is Frum Minimalism, and how did the journey begin?

Ellie Azerad: I was an overwhelmed young mother with three children under five. It wasn't even anything extreme compared to what some families manage, but I remember looking around and thinking:

"This is what I prayed for my entire life? I still don’t feel fulfilled."

I wasn't thriving. I wasn't even surviving. Every night, I was collapsing into bed, exhausted just to do it all over again the next day. What made it harder

was that I wanted this life. I wanted the husband. I wanted the children. I wanted the home.

I started asking older women and mentors how they managed it all. And everyone told me the same thing:

"Just wait until the kids get older."

I remember thinking, I'm not waiting twenty years until I can enjoy my life. I want my best life to start right now.

So I started looking for what I could change immediately.

The only time I felt truly on top of things was when we were on vacation. We'd stay in an Airbnb with far fewer possessions. The children had fewer toys. There was less to clean, less to manage, less to think about.

One day, I decided to pretend my house was a vacation rental.

I packed roughly seventy percent of our toys into giant duffel bags and told my children we were doing a three-month experiment. We were going to live

as though our house was an Airbnb. The results were almost immediate. Within days I felt lighter. The children played differently. I was calmer. I had more

patience.

And that was only the beginning.

CZ: How did your children handle having so much disappear overnight?

EA: I didn't throw it away. That's an important point.

We packed it into storage, and I told them we were experimenting.

Honestly, they barely noticed.

A few weeks later I asked if there were additional things they wanted to get rid of, and they happily volunteered more toys, more art supplies, more clutter.

That surprised me.

We assume children need all this stuff. Very often they don't.

CZ: Many people hear the word minimalism and immediately imagine white walls and no personality. How do you define minimalism within a frum lifestyle?

EA: Minimalism is however you define it. I can't tell you what your version should look like. For one woman, minimalism might mean ten dresses. For

another woman, it might mean forty dresses. The question isn't how many things you own.

The question is: Can you manage them? Do they make your life easier? Do they make you happy? Or are they overwhelming you?

For me, minimalism means having an amount of stuff that feels easy to maintain.

Even on my busiest day, I can look around my house and think: "I've got this."

CZ: Let’s discuss the difference between collections and clutter.

EA: People assume minimalists can't love beautiful things. Of course we can. Have a collection! You can collect whatever you’d like: jewelry, books,

art.

The issue isn't the collection. The issue is when everything becomes a collection. If your shoes are your thing, bring you joy, and are actually being worn,

wonderful. But if your dresses are a collection, and your shoes are a collection, and your dishes are a collection, and your perfumes are a collection, and

your seasonal decorations are a collection—eventually you're drowning.

Choose what matters to you. Enjoy it. Curate it. Take care of it. Just don't let everything become precious.

CZ: You seem very focused on simplifying decisions, not just possessions.

EA: Absolutely. This is actually where my minimalism has evolved. Today I automate as much of life as possible. I have default meals. Default outfits.

Default work schedules. Default date nights with my husband. Not because life needs to be rigid. But because I don't want to waste mental energy making

the same decisions over and over again. I can always change the plan. But I don't have to reinvent my life every morning.

CZ: What made you realize clutter affects more than just our homes?

EA: Honestly? I didn't realize it until it was gone. I wasn't trying to become calmer. I wasn't trying to become more patient. I wasn't trying to become a

better mother. I was just trying to survive. But once the clutter disappeared, I became more present. More emotionally regulated. More patient. More

joyful. I felt like I got my sunshine back.

People always talk about becoming organized. This felt different. This felt like getting myself back.

CZ: You also mentioned something fascinating about stress and weight.

EA: Yes. When I first started decluttering, I unexpectedly lost weight. At first I thought it was a coincidence. Later I learned about cortisol. When we're

stressed, our bodies release cortisol. High cortisol levels can contribute to storing fat, particularly around the abdomen. I started reading research, and it

made so much sense. I had been living in a constant state of overwhelm. My body believed it was in danger. As I removed stress from my environment, my

body began responding differently. I've actually seen this happen with many women over the years. When they reduce stress, their entire relationship with

their bodies changes.

CZ: Do you think physical clutter can keep people stuck emotionally?

EA: One hundred percent. Years ago I wouldn't have said that so confidently. Today I can. I've watched women improve marriages. Find relationships.

Gain confidence. Advance professionally and move forward in areas where they felt stuck for years.

And from a Jewish perspective, I think there's something beautiful happening too. Hashem constantly wants to give us abundance.

But if we're holding onto everything with both hands, we're basically saying: "I'm good. I don't need anything."

Sometimes we need to make room before new blessings can enter.

CZ: You've spoken before about the idea that making physical space can create room for new blessings. What do you mean by that?

EA: I want to be careful here because I don't think life works like a vending machine. You don't declutter a closet and suddenly win the lottery.

But I do think there's something powerful about making room. So many of us hold onto things because we're afraid. We're holding onto old baby clothes,

old dreams, old versions of ourselves, old "just in case" items. We keep everything because it feels safer.

At some point, I realized that when we're gripping everything with both hands, we're essentially saying, "I'm good. I have everything I need."

And meanwhile Hashem is trying to send us something new.

I've seen women let go of things they've been holding onto for years and suddenly feel ready for the next chapter. Sometimes it's a new home. Sometimes

it's a new job. Sometimes it's a relationship. Sometimes it's simply a renewed sense of peace.

The blessing isn't always the thing itself.

Sometimes the blessing is becoming the kind of person who is ready to receive it.

I think decluttering teaches us trust. Trust that if we need something again, we'll find a solution. Trust that we don't need to hold onto every version of our

past. Trust that Hashem can provide what we need when we need it.

When we create space in our homes, we're often creating space in our hearts too.

CZ: One of the most interesting parts of our conversation was when we started discussing marriage and possessions.

You told me about your husband's study.

EA: (Laughing) My poor husband. My number one rule is that we do not declutter other people's things. Ever. Those are their belongings. What we can do

is create clearly defined spaces. If someone wants to keep things, wonderful. Give them a reasonable space. Maybe it's a cabinet, a shelf, an office, a

garage. But the items need boundaries. My husband has a lot of seforim. At one point the books were multiplying so quickly that I was convinced they

were eventually going to reach the kitchen. So we converted a room into his study. That became his space. His books, projects, collections. And eventually

something incredible happened. One day he came to me and said: "Come help me declutter the study." I was thrilled. Because it wasn't my idea. He had

experienced the benefits himself. That's when I knew this wasn't just about stuff anymore.

CZ: One story that really stayed with me was your philosophy about making room.

EA: I think we underestimate how powerful that is. Let's say someone wants a baby. Or a new home. Or a new opportunity. But they're holding onto

everything from the past. Sometimes making physical space becomes symbolic. You're saying: "I'm ready." You're creating room for what's next. I'm not

saying it's magic. I'm saying it changes how we relate to possibility.

CZ: Many women feel completely overwhelmed by their homes. Where should they begin?

EA: The bathroom. Always the bathroom. It's the first place you see in the morning and the last place you see at night. And it's easy. There's very little

sentimentality there. Get rid of expired products. Simplify your counters. Create calm. Then make your bed.

CZ: Make your bed?

EA: Every day. People underestimate how powerful that one habit is. We begin our day with Modeh Ani. We begin with gratitude. Making your bed

creates a similar momentum. One productive action leads to another. You make the bed. You put away your pajamas. You put away your toothbrush. You

begin the day intentionally instead of reactively.

CZ: In a world constantly encouraging us to buy more, how do we learn to distinguish between wants and needs?

EA: Pause. That's my biggest advice. I have a folder on my phone called "Potential Purchases." If I see something I want, I take a screenshot. Then I wait.

Sometimes overnight. Sometimes a week. Most of the time I completely forget about it. And that's important. Because every item we bring into our homes

becomes something we need to maintain. Something we need to clean. Store, manage, protect. The purchase doesn't end when you buy it. That's when the

relationship begins.

CZ: What do you think is the biggest misconception people have about minimalism?

EA: That it means deprivation. That you can't have beautiful things. That you can't have Chanukah decorations. That you can't have sukkah decorations.

That you can't have collections. Of course you can.

We have Chanukah bins. We have holiday decorations. My children make artwork. The difference is that everything has boundaries.

The bin closes. The shelf has limits. The space is defined.

Minimalism isn't about having nothing. It's about having enough.

CZ: If readers could take one small step this week, what would you tell them to do?

EA: Make your bed. And then notice how the rest of the day changes.

CZ: Final question. What do you hope women feel when they walk into their homes after embracing Frum Minimalism?

EA: That there is nowhere else in the world they'd rather be. For years I thought I wanted vacations. What I actually wanted was the feeling I experienced

on vacation. Peace, ease, presence. Eventually I created that feeling at home.

Now there's no couch I'd rather sit on. No bed I'd rather sleep in. No kitchen I'd rather cook in. Home became my favorite place. And I think that's one of

the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and our families.

CZ: And after all these years, after the decluttering and the systems and the routines, what's next?

EA: That's actually what I've been thinking about lately. For years I focused on decluttering physical things. Then one day I realized: I got rid of the stuff.

Why isn't life perfect? And that's when I understood there was another layer. Now I'm decluttering decisions. I'm decluttering people-pleasing. I'm

decluttering guilt. I'm decluttering the voice in my head that says: "You should be doing more." "You should be somewhere else." "You should be answering

that message." "You should be a better mother." "You should be a better friend." "You should be doing something different." Those are the things I'm

decluttering now, along with learning that the things we do bring into our homes should be better quality. No disposable plastics, no synthetic fibers on our bodies. The physical clutter was only the beginning. All in all, we deserve to live better.

The deeper work is learning how to let go of everything that keeps us from being fully present in the lives we already have.

Ellie Azerad can be reached through her website.